No hugging, cheek kissing or hand shaking allowed. Yes, our social skills are a little rusty. Yes, there’s an underlying feeling of uncertainty (less when people wear face masks). Yet even in a socially- distanced way, physically being in the same space with another offers relief. Nothing can replace physical presence.
Now we find ourselves with others observing our closeness. Egads! It’s not feeling natural. Get me outside.
How might we re-connect in an uncomfortable environment
in the most comfortable way possible?
Here are a few suggestions for creating easeful interactions.
Variety of Experiences
First, remember that Covid19’s impact has been broad, far reaching and continues to affect each of us in different ways. Our country’s open struggle with racism rightfully weighs on us. Riots, small business closures and job losses make us wonder about the economy. There’s loss because of Covid19 and for other reasons. We know so little about another person’s life and recent experiences.
Start with just enjoying the physical presence of another. Leave an agenda at home. Pause and just be there. How wonderful. Stay open without judgement to whatever the recent experience has been for another person.
Effective Teams; Effective Relationships
Google launched a study to determine the traits of the most successful teams, examining over 180 work groups. The study determined that “Who” was on the team mattered less than “How” the team members connected. The most effective teams provide Psychological Safety. In other words, team members feel safe to express themselves. They feel heard. A key component of creating psychological safety is Mindful Listening.
When re-connecting listen with your whole heart. Don’t worry about formulating a response. Give the gift of your full attention to another person and trust will ensue.
Empathy
Empathy is key for connecting with others: “Empathy is about finding echos of another person in yourself”. (Muhsin Hamid). As Brene Brown suggests, empathy is a “feeling with”. As humans we’re physically wired for empathy. When we see another in pain it’s as if we’re in pain ourselves. Some of us are too empathetic while others, especially in tough work situations, ignore empathy.
To be empathetic requires we discern our own feelings from the other person’s feelings with equanimity. We understand and “feel with” the experience of others, making sure to acknowledge another person’s experience versus losing ourselves in the emotions.
Shift to Connection
Not getting along? Feeling uncomfortable? Regardless of time away, old triggers can arise. Or maybe we can’t relate to another person’s current experience.
Take three breaths to Shift To Connect. In sleuth mode, aka, quietly, without speaking …1. On the first breath, settle the mind. 2. On the second breath, see a similarity. 3. On the third breath Offer Kindness.
Feeling connected to others is instrumental in building a peaceful community and world. This Strange and Wonderful Re-Connecting offers opportunity for transforming our relationships. It’s time to forge a New Way.
