Mouthing Off! It feels as if firing off a verbal barrage has become socially acceptable, especially among politicians (“He’s a Mexican”, “You’re fired”, “He’s Deplorable”…he did that, she did that…). CBS responded a few weeks back to a “mouthing off” episode by dismissing the errant employee (“I’m actually not even sympathetic (to the Las Vegas victims) bc country music fans often are Republican gun toters.”).

Although we might conflate public dialog with personal experiences, “Mouthing off” is a form of presumptive bullying, pushing people into a corner and leaving no place for civil dialog. Even if we’ve lost control of our words at some point, there’s no place in a conversation for extreme disrespectful “speak”.

To be fair, to be kind we should remember that often what people say isn’t what they truly mean. There’s no way, deep down, for example, that the CBS lawyer wished other people deadly physical harm. For whatever unjustifiable reason, she “mouthed off”. Our President and others continue to do the same.

Here are a few suggestions for strengthening our demeanors when exposed to daily tirades. Ugh!

Leave The Why

First, remember that we can’t ever fully understand why people say the comments they do. That would be like truly knowing someone’s interior life. Although there might be many theories offered by the media, a co-worker or the neighbor next door, we just don’t know what drives a person to express extremely negative comments. Just make sure, instead, that our words are carefully chosen.

Virtual Shields

Create serene spaces (at home, in your car, at your desk, while shopping) within yourself, imagining a separation between what is being said and your reactions. Turn off the news when an exchange is poisonous. Remove yourself from a heated discussion until a calmer time can be found. Steel yourself against taking comments personally.

Gentle Witness

When feeling attacked it’s difficult not to react. Instead, play gentle witness to feelings that arise and “hold and release” versus acting out in response. Our emotions are not representative of the goodness and rational thought we can bring to an exchange.

Now versus the past or future

Become fully present to where you are physically, emotionally and spiritually during an interaction versus letting your mind wander to the past or dredge up fearful thoughts about the future.

Breathe in the Center

Oh, so hard to do. Stay patient and “waiaiaiait” for a more constructive exchange. Our breath is our best ally. To find your center, focus on the simple in-and-out breath.

Watch out…Listen

It’s arrogant to believe we have all the answers. Deeply consider your opinions and stay open to new ideas. At our core we want to be heard and acknowledged.

At A Table In Time we create the right environment to bring our best selves to a conversation. Even if repulsed by reprehensible “mouthing off”, we can still practice patience, presence and non-judgment as an act of kindness towards another. Kindness and compassion will help alleviate pain in our world…join in today!