Watching a bird gently gliding way above you, noticing crimson and purple in an evening sky, bringing your partner a fresh cup of coffee, sharing a smile with a fellow human being…everyone wants to feel connected to something bigger. Yet, when we encounter unfamiliar cultures or walk into a meeting fraught with tension, uncertainty dominates. Will we feel welcomed?
In 2012 Google launched a study to determine what makes teams most successful. The right mix of talent coupled with strong leadership was one obvious hypotheses. After examining 180 teams, the most consistent indicator for successful teamwork was “psychological safety”: the ability to express oneself and feel acknowledged in a safe environment. Even the smartest minds in one room can’t be assured of strong collaboration without being in a trusting place. We need to “feel welcomed”. We need to feel connected to the whole.
Like navigating a trip to a strange foreign land, how might we create safety when
facing differences in cultures and or difficulties at work?
facing differences in cultures and or difficulties at work?
It’s easy to forget: we share more in common as human beings than not. Asking the question “What do we share in common with the person sitting across from us” creates a subtle shift, drawing us towards the other person. Usually there’s always 
something in common, even if it’s mundane: “we both drink a strong cup of coffee in the morning”, for example. To build a bridge, we want to discern similarities. All humans wish for well being, health and happiness, especially in our relationships.
Who doesn’t want to feel peace in their lives? Ask yourself how is this person like me. Undoubtedly there will be multiple answers that fuel a sense of connection.
something in common, even if it’s mundane: “we both drink a strong cup of coffee in the morning”, for example. To build a bridge, we want to discern similarities. All humans wish for well being, health and happiness, especially in our relationships.Who doesn’t want to feel peace in their lives? Ask yourself how is this person like me. Undoubtedly there will be multiple answers that fuel a sense of connection.
Second, offer kindness. There is some truth to the flippant strategy, “kill them with kindness” when facing an adversary. Imagine if we wished every person in our day “well”, even if only in our thoughts, without actually speaking any words. Try to do this for one day especially with those whom you might have some disagreements. Notice a shift that happens from fear to trust, from discomfort to ease. This doesn’t mean that you have to “back down” or agree. Rather, offering kindness and even compassion brings a level of equanimity to a difficult situation, perhaps assuring a better outcome.
Although we can always offer a thank you and smile, wishing others well on a regular basis can be harder than you’d think. Before long we revert back to our “own world” consumed by petty thoughts. Well known Life Coach, Jane Cabrera equates this part of our ego to wearing our own virtual realty helmet. This “virtual realty helmet” absconds a broader, kinder perspective. Kindness is a practice that enables empathy and uncovering similarities.
What’s the Backdoor Surprise? Some years ago we moved to a different part of the country and struggled to feel at home. Attitudes were unfamiliar. Courtesy was rare.The place felt full of entitlement. One morning alone in the house and recovering from a serious surgery, I opened the backdoor to a basket of freshly-baked, lemon blueberry muffins and a lovely arrangement of yellow tulips. The gift was from someone I didn’t know well. Immediately differences between me and the people in our new community melted. In addition to a deep appreciation for the acquaintance who left the surprise, I felt connected to the whole community. Kindness shifted my perception. We were more similar than initially realized.
The next time you experience unease while traveling or need to manage conflict, first notice similarities and offer kindness. Consider what would best serve the situation. Imagine the Peace In The World if we all could develop this habit!
