Sometimes we wonder about insensitive behavior during a conversation. We ask ourselves “What Gives”, what cues are we misunderstanding? A more helpful question, instead, is to consider how to change a discussion’s tone and tenor to something more amiable.
In a favorite morning meditation by ”happiness expert” Jonathan Lehmann[1], he offers affirmations to “make it a magical day”, including the suggestion to “give wherever you go”.
Let’s review how we might give to a conversation.
- First, our interactions don’t represent a Zero Sum game: you win, he/she loses or you lose, he/she wins. This perspective is pure ego! We all benefit when a conversation goes well.
- An open posture means an open heart. What we communicate verbally, we’ll feel in our bodies. Breathe deeply, feel the ground beneath our feet and concurrently sense the other person. Keep the energy positive. Use eye contact as a way to communicate positivity and authenticity.
- Work out what you want to say, the truth of the matter, ahead of the meeting. Be thoughtful and honest about expressing yourself. Conversely, when you’re unclear or present a false premise, it creates mistrust and apprehension about the real agenda.
- Remain flexible and say, “yes”, as often as possible. We want to “stay open to what the world has in store for us”. [2]There are many ways to solve a challenge.
- No phone interference! Looking at your phone is not only a distraction but also signals that you have more important priorities other than the person right in front of you. If timing demands multi-tasking, apologize and then get the conversation back on track.
- Listen and reflect back what you’re hearing, aka, understand first, versus solving a problem. Listening builds goodwill.
There are so many ways to “give” to a conversation, especially when it’s contentious. At A Table In Time we coach and facilitate group conversation so as to make the gifts of all participants obvious and celebrated. The gifts from meaningful conversation expand out into the world, creating peace. Give your gifts today!
Year of Confab 2017
#24 What’s your “go to” gift for the “host” when attending a special meeting or party or celebration?
[1] Jonathan Lehmann, former corporate lawyer and web entrepreneur, is now a happiness expert. He studies happiness from many angles, including from the perspective of ancient spiritualities and modern sciences; https://www.theyogasummit.org/speakers/jonathan-lehmann/
[2] Jonathan Lehmann, “Morning Mediation with Music”
