This past week Obama and Trump met for the first time. What? How could that be? They had never met before? No wonder their meeting lasted ninety minutes. Until this first rendezvous, information about each other was based on generalities, negative stereotypes and “knowledge” sourced from other people’s opinions. Although the recent campaign rhetoric pains me, it saddens me more to consider how much daily discourse distorts reality.
We don’t actually begin to know an individual until we meet in person. I’m not asserting that differences between Obama and Trump don’t’ exist or that stereotypes don’t hold some “truth”. Yet… Obama and Trump don’t know one another.
Once we meet, we acknowledge on some level, that we’re interconnected no matter the differences. Meeting in person, face-to-face, body, mind and soul included, provide us with a totally different experience than what’s projected on digital screens or already exists in our heads. If we arrive at an initial meeting, generous and positive, we’re able to begin our own personal discovery and, if necessary, re-set impressions.
Our country and communities are at a crossroads. Brother, Sister, what are we to do about our silent conversational divide? Conversations are still so awkward post election.
Let’s create the space to exist peacefully together and work hard to understand one another. Let’s begin conversations anew.
Here are six suggestions for bringing our best self to a first time meeting or the re-kindling of a friendship
- Catching the Category
Experts tell us that it’s intuitive to categorize people. We wouldn’t survive without this instinct. Further we grew up with “rhetoric”, influencing our subconscious need to identify a category.
Develop a habit of observing our assumptions. Make the subconscious conscious. Meet, listen, “catch the category” and wonder.
2. Manage Apprehension
Interacting with someone new takes courage because on some level we want to be liked and are eager to make a connection. Angst arises from what we already “know” or “see” in a new person. It’s essential, however, that we don’t let ourselves be guided by fear and instead able to live outside of our comfort zone.
If you’re kind and open, there’s no need for anyone’s approval. Instead of feeling apprehensive, anticipate a wonderful meeting with every single person you meet. Find something in common. Look for humor. Just “be” as you are and welcome someone new into your realm.
- The Walk In Baggage
Time and place affect us. Perhaps we ‘ve had a bad day. Be careful of “the baggage” we’re bringing to a new interaction. Attempt to quiet your mind and be fully present, cutting off the noise of our brain telling us otherwise.
- Love Yourself Unconditionally
It’s the only way you’ll be able to love others fully and be welcoming to those that you perceive as “different” from you.
- Assimilate Your Own Experience and interpretations and don’t assume the truth will be found from external sources. Then, value your own contributions to a conversation.
- Let Your Heart Be Open. Smile and make eye contact. Bring as much goodwill as possible to these new interactions.
- Start Thoughtfully You don’t have to be best friends. Just ask some thoughtful questions about the other person. Demonstrate genuine curiosity.
Our shared humanity binds us together. Respect, love and kindness matter more than endless squabbling. Now is the time to re-build bridges through considerate dialog. Through getting to know someone, truly meeting them, we can forge solutions with everyone, together.
“Being whole and simultaneously part of a larger whole,
we can change the world simply by changing ourselves.
If I become a center of love and kindness in this moment,
then in a perhaps small but hardly insignificant way,
the world now has a nucleus of love and kindness it lacked the moment before.
This benefits me and it benefits others.”
-Jon Kabat Zinn
