At a recent A Table In Time gathering we had one hundred guests. Despite a common spiritual thread and consistent opportunities to see one another, dinner guests came to the table not really knowing much about each other.

In our daily lives we focus on “to do’s”, life’s many logistics, leaving little time to go beyond surface interactions. Our “surface” demeanor presents itself at social gatherings, making it difficult to push a “Presto” button and start effusively sharing about our selves!

Admittedly there are those individuals who will share anything and more with a stranger or acquaintance. Sometimes it’s easier to talk with those we don’t know well or have just met. For most of us, however, conversation can be more challenging, In social situations, especially at larger gatherings, we naturally move towards those we know because meeting new people feels intimidating.

For conversation to occur, guests need to feel comfortable. As a leader, manager and or host our job is to create a warm environment for guests to bring their full, wonderful selves to the table. We create ease by thoughtfully considering the seating, our “who sits next to whom” plan.

Here are my “who sits next to whom “suggestions, with place cards or without!

• Look for commonalities. Review the guest list and consider what two “strangers” might have in common and enjoy knowing about each other: hobbies, age, ethnicity, work, hometown.
• Balance personalities. Strong outgoing attendees mix well with those that have excellent listening skills. Mix together “quiet” and “loquacious”, “cerebral” and “creative” etc…
• Push guests a little out of their comfort zone. When we are very familiar with the guests on the list we’re able to better mix up the seating, trusting our knowledge of who will get along with whom. Why not provide a quiet adventure through a new interaction? .
• Identify and sprinkle tables with “Conversation Mixers”. These are people who are naturally inquisitive and interested in other people. We can pretty much put them next to anyone. In addition, Conversation Mixers are often very attentive to who has spoken or needs a turn to participate at the table.
• Split. While still fostering cohesiveness, consider separating couples and or close friends. If one partner needs extra help, however, keep them close to one another and or at least nearby.
• Random. If time is short we can create seating arrangements as people head to the table, pointing to where we’d like someone to sit. Or, before dinner be deliberate with introductions especially introducing people meeting for the first time- they might end up sitting together. If it’s a large event, assign people to somewhat random tables as they check in, separating those attending together if possible.  Guests pick up on our energy as leaders and hosts. Feeling confident that guests will make their way and demonstrating enthusiasm and sincere interest in each attendee affects positive interactions, letting the “chips fall where they will” when time to sit down.

A ubiquitous role at any table is the “Dinner”, “Lunch”, “Meeting”, “Coffee” guest. This is everyone’s role: “Be an amazing partner at the table. Have fun, listen well and enjoy those next to you, whoever sits next to whom.”