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Sometimes people don’t want to engage in conversation. For whatever reason, at that moment in time, “small talk” or the opportunity for deeper dialogue doesn’t hold sway. Even when guests are rude, I know it’s not personal. Still, why the rush? Where are they going? Are there some secret codes that I’m missing?

Whether celebrating at someone’s home or participating in a networking event, business meeting, or dinner around the table, we want to employ minimal social norms for conversation. I’m not saying we become “Chatty Cathy”. Rather, just
as a successful gathering is not the sole responsibility of its host, conversation, too, is a two-way street, “a situation or relationship requiring give-and-take”.[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][1] We can always “give and take” and enter and exit conversation with consideration and gratitude.

Here are some protocols, my “secret codes”, for managing basic conversation with grace.

  • Provide a sentence. At a recent Denver presentation, Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk suggests we answer the “Hi” and “How are you” with a full sentence. Don’t be lazy, she advises. Provide more than a one or two word response to common rhetorical questions. Then, since we’ve shown respect, it’s easier to gauge how we move the dialogue forward or not.
  • Beware of the “talker”. In other words, don’t be the one in the room doing all the talking. That’s boring. Answer a secret codes 2 copy smallquestion and then ask a question in return. Enjoy learning more about someone else.
  • Gear up! Gatherings of any sort require energy and readiness, especially if our propensity is not to engage much. Spend some quiet moments ahead of entering a room. Use the energy at the event to fuel your own presence. Smile.
  • Let listening be a guide. Sometimes I panic wondering about the right response. Instead, quiet the fearful voice and be willing to feel a little uncomfortable. Listen well with eye contact and our follow-up will naturally flow.
  • Explore with sincerity. Each person represents a new world to discover. When we bring our full genuine self to the interaction, others will as well. Discover the stories. Discover, discover!

When we find ourselves in a social situation, one ripe for conversation, enjoy it, even if our only wish is to respond with one sentence and flee. Slow down, breath and relax. Let the space between you and others open up to possibility. Adhere to these suggestions and cultivate ease in our daily interactions, extrovert and introvert alike.

 

#atableintime #conversation #connections #networking #sharedtables #community

 

[1] Merriam Webster dictionary: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/two–way street[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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