My anxiety increases in the morning when I’m late starting my “to do’s”. The business list feels massive. Non-work demands fight for attention as well: book my daughter’s flight home, send the invitation copy for my niece’s wedding lunch, RSVP to the school event whose information is buried somewhere amidst the digital correspondence. No wonder we struggle to experience genuine conversation on a daily basis! We have too much minutia monopolizing our minds and priorities.
Planning a work gathering and meeting or a family meal often becomes more about the activity, too, and less about the chance to pause and converse. Conversation feels almost counter-intuitive. Why? We equate it with “non-doing”. Author and Mindfulness/Meditation expert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, defines “non-doing” as follows:
“On the surface it seems there might be two kinds of non-doing, one involving not doing any outward work, the other involving what we might call effortless activity. Ultimately we come to see that they are the same. “[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][1]
This seems strange. How can we categorize the time to organize, prep, plan, and or complete table activities as “effortless” and “non-doing”? Here’s an explanation:
First, realize that our efforts are enough, no matter how big or small. Focusing on togetherness at the table versus contriving an external outcome leads to thoughtful conversation.
Second, simplify the “ product offering”. When we have a clear intention- to stop, pause, and enjoy genuine conversation with one another- the stress of preparation fades. Feel satisfied with however the gathering ingredients become complete. Offer employees a delicious cup of coffee and tea, one yummy pastry and be done with any extras. 
Then, relish the morning break together. Or, one night serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a tall glass of milk for a family dinner. It will be more than clear that the priority is on sitting together, the “non-doing” highlight.
Third, trust that conversations will happen how they’re suppose to happen- without the need to aggressively ask questions. Pose a question or two and then listen. The next steps in conversation will present themselves “effortlessly”.
Fourth, find your peace, your own quiet place, before sitting down and offer the calm demeanor to those gathered with you. This means ignoring your phone for a while. Sitting down. Demonstrating patience. Listening. Looking each other in the eye. Smiling. Letting goodwill from within ooze.
Again, Jon Kabat-Zinn reminds us:
“Non-doing can arise within action as well as in stillness. The inward stillness of the doer merges with the outward activity to such an extent that the action does itself.”[2]
This is not hippy talk! Intentionally hitting the “Pause” button, the “non-doing”, requires awareness and simple actions.
The weekend is almost here… Strive for some “non-doing” to elicit memorable conversation at A Table In Time.
[1] Pg.35, Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn; Hyperion, New York, 1994, 2005.
[2] Pg.40, Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn; Hyperion, New York, 1994, 2005.
[1] Pg.35, Wherever You Go There You,Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn; Hyperion, New York, 1994, 2005.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
