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It had been awhile- almost 15 years actually, since I had seen my good friend from high school. I wondered what to talk about after so much time. How might it be possible to understand even a glimmer of her life’s journey?

I took out my little purple sticky notes, quietly considered my friend and prepared some questions. My questions included:

  • How has life changed since high school?
  • What have been your biggest joys? Heartbreaks?
  • What are your significant relationships in life?
  • What do you enjoy about your work?
  • What are your dreams?
  • Tell me about your spouse, children, and family?
  • Where do you garner community?

Although it felt a little pushy to start asking questions, I didn’t want to miss the rare face-to-face chance to rediscover our friendship. My courage to initiate conversation stemmed from a sincere wish to understand.

While devouring cauliflower and quinoa crepes, we shared about our lives until closing time. Don’t ask me about the restaurant. My awareness was only on our discussion. We exchanged many stories, analyzing every detail as old friends. Without asking directly, I learned the answers to my questions. “What to Talk About” mattered less than a true, interested and caring “ear”. Trusting my intention helped the conversation to evolve.  The evening melted into bliss.

Full engagement in conversation is available to all of us, not just high school buddies. When we’re ear-pixabay copylistening, gathering around the table for a meal provides a perfect catalyst for easy conversation

Here’s why listening is key:

(1) We nourish each other: “Being heard means being taken seriously. It satisfies our need for self-expression and our need to feel connected to others.”[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][1]

(2) Listening without judgment validates us: “A good listener is a witness, not a judge of (our) experience.”[2]

(3) A back and forth exchange of being heard and letting others experience the same lets us develop a sense of self and how we fit into the world. A willingness to listen creates an opportunity for reciprocation in all conversation.

Who in your life listens to your stories? How do you reciprocate?

Listening is how we come to A Table In Time for memorable conversation, one meal at a time.

 

Bonne Conversation! Bon Appetite!

[1] Pg. 23, The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols, PhD; The Guilford Press, New York; 2009

[2] Pg. 18, The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols, PhD; The Guilford Press, New York; 2009[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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