The day before my son left for college we started practicing our goodbye. I hugged him almost anytime I left his presence. He laughed at my silliness while agreeing that it would make the real “ Au Revoir” easier. We felt grateful to have found humor as a salve for apprehension.

Goodbye to cooking family meals, shopping for his clothes, watching soccer games, communing with other parents, and witnessing him mature under our roof. Tomorrow morning we would be grateful for “what was”, knowing that it will never be exactly the same again.

Luckily, during my son’s last year of high school, we sensed hopeful feelings in the background, the possibility for a Hello after the Goodbye. Life keeps marching forward and we decide to move with it or not. Although we don’t have a full picture of what’s to come, there are always new opportunities. We start and end conversations everyday.

Saying goodbye to our son doesn’t mean that everything will change. In fact, our love for one another is the constant. Although a relationship might look different in the future, it will continue to evolve. What we know today, what we’re “present to” now, is gratitude for our family and the rich memories.

Here are some suggestions for managing a “departure” with what we know to be true today.

• Be gentle and compassionate. Humans are wired for kindness and connection.
• There’s no right or wrong in how to deal with major change. Chose activities that generate positive feelings.
• Create space for emotions: “Whatever arises in the heart is loveable because it’s life.” [1](Matt Licata) This includes acknowledging the painful moments as much as celebrating the joyful ones.
• Hug!
• Find gratitude. We’re grateful that our son, chased the dog, conducted Nerf gun wars in the basement, ate a whole box of waffles for breakfast, and “dressed to the nines”. These memories will keep us forever connected.

Sadly there are global tragedies that also connect us to collective pain. All week, we’ve been glued to our TV’s, seeing massive flooding in Texas and Louisiana, Mumbai, Bangladesh and Nepal. As we watch the awful “Goodbyes” caused by Hurricane Harvey, we wonder, “where is the ‘Hello’ after so much devastation?” American hearts yearn for an answer, manifesting generosity instead.

Perhaps the hurricane’s life-threatening circumstances provided immediate clarity to its victims, rescued and safe with loved ones, dry under a roof, wrapped in a warm blanket, and cared for by a stranger…only what they know to be true right then. Although big support will be needed to manage feelings of loss, love and human bravery are present today. Although we all go through personal “departures”, being present to these tragic events informs us about how we might serve one another, our communities and world.

In the years ahead, we hope for continued courage and strength to sustain and create abundant “Hellos” in the future, for all those in Hurricane Harvey’s destructive path and around the world.

 

Thank you to my friend, Binah, for helping me sort through my ideas.

[1] Suggested at a talk by Matt Licata, author, speaker and facilitator, The Path is Everywhere; Wandering Yogi Press, 2017