Sometimes we go through tough times in a relationship made worse by bad things said between two people or not. We don’t like our manager, for example. Differences seem irreconcilable. There’s little dialog. Yet if reconciling feels right to us, it is possible to find a new beginning. In a working relationship we need to especially keep the channels open and positive. Our job can depend upon it. If we decide not to reconcile, that’s ok, too. It’s best not to shame our selves.
With patience, tensions can soften over time and a relationship begins anew. Depth in a relationship comes from working through disagreement with respect and compassion. It’s not easy work. Perhaps a conversation about “the conversation” happens. Maybe you agree to disagree. Most likely, once you’ve found your way back, the relationship has changed on some level yet still shares core values.
With “The Return”, it’s important not to look back or forward too much. A heightened sense of “what is now” heals. “Wow! How did that happen?” you wonder. Here are some tips to nurture “The Return”!
- Enjoy small steps. Focus on what’s working.
- Feel hopeful. There are kernels everywhere.
- The relationship’s shape is “up for grabs”. Be careful not to hold unrealistic expectations.
- Listen well.
- Make the most of where you are NOW in the relationship. What a shame to waste the day focused on “what was”!
Psychotherapist, writer and teacher, Matt Licata reminds us:
“In this ‘no-place’ where your experience is allowed to be exactly as it is — without too much interference and interpretation — the knots and tangles of the heart will begin to loosen. And even the deeply rooted urge to escape your experience can be used as fuel for the path home.”1
It’s tough to manage the many emotions and thoughts wrapped up in resolving differences. Our minds enjoy taunting us and our feelings can consume us. At our core, we are not those voices. We are good beings yearning to be acknowledged. Reconcile, however that looks for you, and move forward, in friendship with yourself and the world!
- pg 174, The Path is Everywhere by Matt Licata; Wandering Yogi Press, 2017
