As much as we believe conversation connects us, sometimes our knowledge gets us in trouble!  Let me explain!

At a community table recently, a couple taught us about how they raised chickens, turkeys and rabbits on their property. We’ve since shared what we learned with others because the “home farming” conversation was interesting and a little bit entertaining. Are we about to become urban ranchers ourselves?  No.  Do we know more about the topic than we did a week ago?  Yes. Do we really know that much? Probably not however, in some ways, we still feel very smart about our new urban farming knowledge.

Here’s the challenge: sometimes we believe we know more than we really do! Why? We’re social by nature. Humans are collaborative learners.  Yet, as Philip Fernback, Cognitive Scientist and speaker at the recent TEDxMileHigh conference shared:”We don’t know enough to believe much of what we believe.”

There are multiple examples when our “truths” hinder communication.

(1) After we’ve experienced an unkind interaction we take the conversation personally.  In fact, rarely does someone’s bad behavior have to do with us. Yet we act like we understand what’s happening in their life. Our understanding is limited.

(2) Sometimes we feel that we’re the only ones who are “right”. Our current political discourse show us leaders battling for thought dominance.  Even the “Fake News” conundrum, regardless of political affiliation, is a manifestation of taking “facts” and extrapolating “truth”. We bolster our stories from the same sources and erroneously think that we are the ones with the “real” knowledge.

Fernback reminds us again that: “We fail to understand the limits of our own understanding.” We become so vested in our own thoughts that it becomes the only realty. In a heated debate or conversation gone awry, we just don’t understand our misunderstanding!

What might we do?

• Have self-compassion.  It’s not easy coming to terms with our vulnerabilities.
• Be aware of the fallibilities of our minds.
• Demonstrate “intellectual humility”, an acknowledgement that we’re culpable too, and apologize when necessary. Rarely do we have a full picture.
• Cultivate Quiet amidst the storm. Focusing on our breath is always available to us.

Yes- we can become experts and share our knowledge! When forging a challenging conversational bridge, however, it’s helpful to cultivate a Beginner’s Mind.

At A Table In Time we strive to give voice to each other’s stories.  We believe there are multiple perspectives and life experiences to share.  Learning about one another is a life long process.