Undoubtedly we will disagree with people. For whatever reason, we don’t see “eye- to-eye”. Around the table, we struggle to thoughtfully engage with our perceived adversaries. During an election year differences feel especially heightened, limiting the depth of our interactions. In our minds, consciously or subconsciously, we’ve already decided that meaningful conversations aren’t possible.

Why do we create these limits? Working through past conflict is often a “work in progress”. Self-aggression arises at the most unexpected times including the dinner table. Yet, even so, why miss out? With a little effort we can still engage in plenty of conversational topics, regardless of past disagreements or different perspectives.  We can clear our consciousness enough to enjoy worthwhile dialog with those we find challenging.

Here are some suggestions geared to move us toward one of life’s greatest pleasures: memorable conversation over a delicious meal. At the table we can immerse ourselves in the happy, unexplored part of a relationship, enjoying each other’s stories. There’s always something more to learn about a person. And, letting go of a “We don’t get along” mindset means we keep our important relationships in tact.

Here are three suggestions for pursuing enjoyable conversation versus conflict around the table: 

1.Take the “high road”. According to participants on Quora taking the “high road” means:

• “Doing the right thing”. At the table, the “right thing” is to remember our manners and be cordial, even if our opinions are unpopular with the majority.
• “Not stooping to (another person’s) level”. Bring our best self.
• “Being the bigger person”.
• “Forgiving…instead of holding a grudge or searching for revenge.”

2. Bring courage to the table. Overcoming disagreements takes inner strength. Stay strong on the inside to lesson any frustration on the outside. Before the meal, create a picture in your mind of a happy experience.

3. Choose happiness at least when you’re around the table. As my father always said, it takes so much more energy to stay angry than it does to let go of it and be happy. Let’s not miss out on the joy that comes from sharing a meal. Relish the food. Breath the aromas. Chew slowly.

Expect radical transformation from dining together? No. Break a pattern? Yes. One peaceful conversation might lead to more positive interactions in the future. Uncovering new information about someone breaks negative thought patterns and, instead, strengthens a relationship.

This month let’s be deliberate about our questions for the table. Not sure what to talk about? Start with the season of fall. Find out about food preferences, favorite activities and memories from September. Offer an apple tasting with different cheeses.  Let’s rejoice in our abundance. Don’t let differences stand in the way of joy at the table.